From the fire, but up and moving.

It has been some time since I have written anything that anyone's eyes other than my own has seen.

At the time I was anticipating the Siena Saints up and coming basketball season with a great deal of optimism. I firmly believed that the Saints had the body work to put together another spectacular season.

Similar to many of the things I had hoped for during my inaugural eight months in the adult world, my optimism was proved wrong. I watched from the bleachers and my couch, feeling the pain of their mediocrity this season.

Over the past eight months, I have felt much more disappointment than I had ever expected. I knew there would be adjustments and rocky roads, I'm not as dumb as I look, but I wasn't prepared for this.

Life is still great in ways, sometimes they are just hard to see. As many young adults can attest to, the first year in the real world can hit you like a ton of bricks. You feel like your trapped inside a burning building. You hear help outside, but they can't seem to come in and rescue you.

I am almost twenty four years young, and I am still trapped in the burning building. I'm not totally alone, although sometimes I feel like I am. At times I've felt like laying down and letting the flames do their job on me. I fall asleep without much optimism, or hope for that matter. I wake up and by God the sun still rises! (or for much of these months, the snow still falls!). There may not be optimism there, but some hope is still left. The fire has yet to take away the four walls that surround me.

Yes, hope is there.

I think of the past months, and the obstacles and frustrations that life has thrown at me. Some have been beyond my control, others have been self induced. These bumps in the road make me feel like I've wasted my time, lost my fight, and pushed away some people and things that I love and have never failed to love me in return.

These post college obstacles and frustrations are minuscule compared to some of the horror and terror that has been going on in the world lately. Nevertheless, the obstacles and frustrations are still there, right in front of me, and boy are they real. I could be wrong, maybe I am, because I am still trapped inside, but I've come up with a few observations and conclusions while I've been in here.

1. Giving up on things you love is not an option, it just isn't. If you give up on anything you love, part of you will be trapped in that burning building forever, never too see the light of day. The burning building is not fun. A variety of debris and bricks fall on you daily and you go to sleep every night with new scars and bruises. The more wounds you accumulate, the hotter the flames get, and it gets harder to hear anyone outside coming for help. Before long, nobody will be outside.

Giving up MUST be set aside. Unless you like the burning building, which there are usually a select few. Usually those who like being in there are heroin addicts and horrific alcoholics. See my friend Charles Bukowski.

2. Time can move quick in the real world if you let it. The phrase "time fly's when your having fun," can be quickly shoved aside, because I have had little fun the past eight months, and even less over the past three.

I have a job that allows me to pay rent and purchase useless items from week to week. I do not manage my money well, and don't plan to for the time being (I'm still in the fire, remember?).

You talk to people who have been in this circus for a while. Some are happy, some act happy, and some are just downright miserable (definitely in the fire).

I work in a furniture store, and believe me, there is honor to it, as there is in almost any job. It isn't my dream job but it gets me my rent money and enough to eat. I've met some men and women who do their job with pride and do it damn well. Men who I would be proud to call my friend. But honestly, is that what they dreamed of doing in life? No, of course not. The majority of the American population isn't doing what they dreamed of doing, and in some situations that is OK.

But for some it is not OK ( the pretenders the miserables). These people have been in the real world (or even worse in the burning building) for so long they don't even remember their dreams. Well I still remember mine, and as I've stated, I'm almost twenty four years young! Indeed I am still young, but for the good or the worse, time moves fast! There is a voice deep inside me that screams "GET MOVING CORY, GO NOW! GO!" It is hard to get moving when your trapped inside the burning building. You try anyways, have little to show for it, and lay back down.

As of right now, I'm choosing not to lay back down, and anyone who is willing to openly admit of similar frustrations, I urge you not to lay down either. People will come for help, and you will help yourself, as long as your willing. Anyone who is too arrogant and proud to admit this, have fun living the nightmare.

3. Regret is a hurtful thing, and many times it can be horrific.

While in the fire, it is indeed horrific.

A quick word from the fire on regret; don't wait too long on anything you love. I've waited long enough on things I love over the past eight months, and the results are anything but desirable. If you love something do it, or at least try. Months move like minutes, and you'll feel alot better if you at least try.

Sometimes you lose an ounce of faith on things you love for one reason or another. When that happens people go into a shell, especially emotional people like myself. Once upon a time I lost faith in basketball.

I still love it to this day, but never fully recovered from the physical injury it caused me, and the ability to play it competitively again.

I have lost interest in my writing from time to time, but the typewriter is still with me and so are a few ideas that I plug away at while inside.

I stopped reading for a while, but have since resumed. There are too many stories and people to read about to put the books down. Yup, the literature is still here, and the magic still exists (burning building or not).

I didn't work out for months, a healthy and nourishing activity that I have done my whole life, until I got stuck in the fire.

I have found that I can still do push ups in the fire, and there is land all around for me to run (it's a big building). Hecklers or not, falling debris or not, running and pumping up my notoriously small chest is still here.

The most important piece to the puzzle is not with me. "Minutes away, but miles apart." This part, I will have to stay in the fire without, with regret, but never without faith.

I'll wrap this up now, there is a world to live, and a regret less day ahead. I'm not depressed, just in the fire. In the fire, but walking around, trying to claw my way out. The sun is fighting to come through, and I welcome it with a half smile, hope, and cautious optimism. Without these, there is no hope in the fire.

From the fire, Cory Magee